He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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