did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
