And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
