Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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