Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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