Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
