my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
