is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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