i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
