he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
