I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
