You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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