i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
