i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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