he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
