I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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