It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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