so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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