sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize