As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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