Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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