I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
