Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
