i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
