Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I understand Curling. That high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
