So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
