Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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