all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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