This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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