It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
