cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
