You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
