did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
