I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
