i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
