I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
