its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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