My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
