I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm always down for nudity.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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