i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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