I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize