you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
