I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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