this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I checked into jail on foursquare
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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