I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
