in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
