Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
