why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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