Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize