I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
