I puked a lego.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
