bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
