I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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