I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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