do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
