Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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