i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
