Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
