omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
