she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i came on her dog
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
